I am a mormon. I love it. I love my life and I love what this gospel has taught me and who I have chosen to be because of it. With that said I must make a huge confession... I have never read the entire Book of Mormon and never been good about my scripture study. EVER. 4 years of seminary and I still don't know the scriptures very well. I have always known they were true because of the things I have learned and the answers I have recieved.
A few weeks ago I started a book of mormon class. For one reason or another I chose to take it in the second block instead of all semester. That means I had lots to read and do in a shorter amount of time. And remember I am NOT skilled in the scriptures or scripture study. I also knew the second block of the semester wuold be more stressful with finals and grades and such. I was overwhelmed after reading the syllabus and attending my first day of class. Our teacher was SO loud and expected SO much of us! I was dreading the entire class.
I dove right into the daily assignments. I knew I wouldn't enjoy it or do REALLY well, but I wanted an A. What I had read about this teacher was "if you do what you ask he will give you a good grade" so I felt confident I would do ok at least. It turns out I was able to understand more of what I was reading. I started praying each time I read the scriptures so I would be able to focus and understand the things that I read and the things which I needed to learn. I really started to love reading the Book of Mormon.
The first day I realized all this, I freaked out. I was so excited. This was a serious life turning event and realization. I was so excited I texted my Bishop from home. I had tried and tried to build a habit of scripture study, but always failed. I was finally figuring it out and succeeding! I don't know how I will do when I'm home and I don't "have" to read anymore, but right now it feels quite good and I'm hoping this feeling can keep me motivated when I get home.
At this time of my life I've had a major question on my mind. Since beginning this course and better scripture study I have found so many answers. I have had so many insights and revelations that I REALLY needed. I have become more confident in my decisions and I have a better feeling inside all the time.
The main reason I am posting this is because I realized something today. Just before I started this class I was hitting my breaking point. I wanted to give up and go home. I knew I couldn't do that, but I definitely stopped trying so hard in some classes. Even classes I loved. I would venture to say I may have had a small bout of depression because I felt so very lost in my life. I had next to no motivation and was extremely unhappy in all areas of life.
Today I finally realized that I have turned around. And I KNOW it's because of the scripture study I have been doing. I've found some answers I was waiting for that I never would have found if I didn't read. I have become excited about future plans again and started making goals. (something I usually love doing, but not so much when I'm unhapy) I have finally gained a strong testimony of the Book of Mormon. I want to share with everyone I see. I understand now how this wonderful book can convert people to the gospel. I still don't understand all the stories and I get really lost in the wars, but I understand enough. Enough to change my life.
Taking this second block religion class with such high expectations during an already very stressful time has turned out to be one of the best decisions I have made in my 19 short years of life.
